The words that are blue are some good vocab that our teacher has told the class to use in our persuasive writing. This rubric is the marks that I got for Para 3. It was marked by my classmate Vivienne.
We have a massive problem and we need your help. Our courtyard is in very bad condition so we need a makeover. There are many reasons for this. It is hardly used, in winter the fields are always closed and we need more courtyard space now that we have four more classes in our school. In the Breeze everyone is getting squashed, so we think the courtyard will solve the problem.
Room 17’s courtyard is a very bad waste of space, because it is ugly and dirty. We think if we give it a makeover this will stop little kids from getting hurt and it will also entice kids into our courtyard. Our class know that kids don’t like our courtyard because we surveyed room 16 and 18 kids.
During Winter kids do not have access to the fields. At lunchtime the breeze is always in a crowded condition, this causes problems. Instead of going to the fields, they could come to our new, improved courtyard and play.
Now that we have four more classes in our school, our playing areas are becoming very over crowded. Luckily they have their own place to hang out so most of the year 7 & 8 kids stay there, but some still come in the breeze. If we give our courtyard a makeover the intermediate block could come and hang out in it.
Room 17’s courtyard is an ugly place to play so we want to fix it up to make it a better place, don’t you think we should?