Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Easter introductions


I have written two introductions. The first one goes straight into the action and the second one goes straight into my feelings and thoughts

Splash, splash, splash “Oh the water is cold” I said to my brother. I was bored by myself so I went down to the deep end of the pool. We were at the Swimarama pools on a freezing day.

Thank goodness my auntie came and picked me up to take me swimming. If she didn’t, a wet cold day in the Easter break would of been more boring. I would of had to put up with my annoying brother and little twins.

Please vote witch one you think is the best.
video

4 comments:

  1. Hi Kingston,
    I think that both of your paragraphs were cool but I think that the second one was better because it had heaps of feeling and it described the start of your wet day. It really hooks me in and makes me want to read more.

    Keep up the good work Chante.

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  2. Hi Kingston,

    I think your best one is the second paragraph because it has more interesting vocab, and it tells me when it is. Well keep up the good work.

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  3. HI Kingston

    I thought that both paragraphs were very good. The second one was slightly more interesting to read. Well done Kingston. I hope that you keep up the good work.

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  4. I have to agree with Chante, Starford and Mum on this one. Your second paragraph has your personal thoughts in it, and I feel like I know how you feel. I am even relieved myself that your Auntie got there, sounds like she made it just in time!

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